Today was wonderful. With fewer demands on our attention, Bonnie Jean and I were able to simply focus on what we needed for ourselves today. Been like that the last few days, feels really good. In case it wasn't explained, Ulysses and Becca left a few days ago, leaving us with Uriel to take care of. But he's still so young its easy to manage his needs. Today I focused on getting to do the cooking that Bonnie Jean and I were always wanting to do but couldn't because of resident picky eaters. So in the morning I made almond naan bread. To do that I had to make clarified butter, which took two tries cause I burned it the first time around. The naans work better for my taste broiled for 2 minutes instead of 3, but otherwise they were perfect. Then we went to church, where the music was beautiful. I've never heard anyone attempt an organ/piano duet before, but it was marvelous. Then we got home and I made Fenugreek chicken. This is only the second or third time I made it, but it still turned out marvelously despite being a little burned because my watch timer somehow stopped itself in my pocket so we let it boil too long. I joked with Bonnie Jean we'll have to keep this recipe handy since fenugreek is known to stimulate lactation. Then I made eggnog. I am missing Ulysses some, but in general I'm just glad to be able to have a normal conversation with Bonnie Jean without interruption. Most of the time I was cooking, Bonnie Jean was reading to me out of the History of the Church, which we also haven't gotten to do together for a really long time.
To top it off, we found out we actually have been certainly assigned home teachers. Bonnie Jean and I both have so much difficulty networking that home teachers are really valuable for us to have. Just wish it hadn't taken 3+ months to get them.
Then, Bonnie Jean went to bed early because she's been tired and I've had time to just spend with myself while doing dishes. I felt like putting on some music, and something made me want to put on an old EFY CD that I haven't touched in so many years it wasn't even imported into my Itunes. Brings back... memories... good, and bad. Life used to be so much harder. I can still remember when I ferociously read my scriptures and wrote in my journal every night because that's what I needed to reconnect and process everything, and I still probably wouldn't go a few days without seriously considering and planning how to commit suicide. EFY helped change a lot of things in my life, including helping me form some friendships that helped change how I saw myself and my relationships. I don't think I would choose to be somewhere else, I just wish I could have chosen a different path to get here. So many paths... so much pain and so much I didn't know. Thinking about it reminds me of in "The Never Ending Story" where Bastian complains of not knowing if he chose the right path and is told by the tree lady that every path that gets you back home is the right one. That probably won't make any sense to anyone who hasn't read the book, but if you haven't read it its very much worth the time. In any case, life being like a being a rock in a polisher is very real to me sometimes, every nasty scrape and break somehow helping to make me smooth. Listening to old music I guess helps me air out some old feelings, sort of reintegrate my past. Just having the time to do this is extremely nice. Like I said, this has been a perfect day.
3 months ago