So we went to the USU clinic today and got the diagnosis for Taliesin. They apparently had a lot of trouble deciding between selective mutism and autism. There is a lot of inherent overlap in the symptoms between those two so I can understand that. They decided in the end that his pattern of rigid routines etc was not typical for selective mutism and therefore decided to diagnose "autism spectrum disorder with features of selective mutism."
Part of me is just elated that since we now have an official diagnosis for him I can try to make his life better than mine was. I never received any proper services as a child because at the time the diagnosis didn't really exist in a useful way for me. Another part of me just isn't sure what to think. The doctors dumped a rather large plateful of suggested therapy routes for him on our plates and part of me just wants to push back and say we don't need that much help. Maybe its because for me the process of diagnosis was more about re self discovery and self acceptance but not about getting help from anyone part of me wants it to mean the same thing for him, even though that makes no sense.
I wish I felt like I could talk to more people about this. Since T essentially inherited this from me I almost feel like I can't talk about it without talking about myself at the same time. And as a general rule I generally don't talk about my own diagnostic situation with just about anyone. Its something I've been loosening up on quite a bit over the last few years, but only so much. I spent so long fearing that people wouldn't believe me if I talked about it or would assume horrible things about me that its just still really difficult to talk about it. But now it seems that I'll have to navigate a new path if I want to act as an advocate for Taliesin. Perhaps that is what scares me the most of anything.
5 months ago