5 weeks ago
Monday, September 1, 2014
Over the last few months I've worked myself into a massive knot of stress and nerves. The thing about me is that I often can't tell when that is happening except by external physical indicators. My ability to understand why emotionally that is happening is kind of slow- I've only started piecing it together over about the last week. Now that I've started piecing together what was going on and finding ways to solve it, I'm also looking for new tools to supplement my existing emotional maintenance toolkit. I think I'm going to add regular meditation exercises to the toolbox. I've been interested in the idea off and on for several years now and even went so far as to buy a meditation manual that explained the framework. I've just never felt like I had the time to do it regularly. Tonight I tried just the basics of what I could remember from getting part way through the meditation manual for just 10 minutes- which I know is kind of on the short side for this kind of thing. But even ten minutes of intentionally trying to make my mind hold still has just left me so soothed out I can't imagine not wanting to keep up with it. This is only the second time in my life I've tried this exercise- and the first time left me profoundly moved as well. I've read that it can take people a long time to get a taste for this. I don't know if I'm just having a few lucky tries on the first attempts or if my mind is just well suited for enjoying meditation in bite sized pieces every once in a while- which I'm sure is different than enjoying it every day for longer periods of time. But there is definitely a power in reaching for internal stillness that seems apparent even in just a few tries. I wish I had done this years ago.