One of the frustrations in my life is that virtually anything that is enjoyable enough to really make me feel relaxed is also probably something I am border line obsessive about. Which means that if I sit down to enjoy something I really like chances are it will be difficult for me to stop. Which means that to maintain good productivity for prolonged periods of time I have to make sure my breaks are only a little bit relaxing or enjoyable. Because if they were I'd have trouble switching my mind back to what I was supposed to be doing. So I get into grand swings where I can go weeks or even months without doing anything I really enjoy because I need to maintain a high level of productivity. And yes, that tends to contribute to periodic bouts of anxiety and depression. And then occasionally it swings the other way and I am up till 2 in the morning doing something that I love and my personal productivity tanks. Working two jobs and trying to be a dad actually engaged in my kids lives to the extent that I can sometimes means that I totally lose track of what I might want to do for fun. Because in order to maintain my personal productivity I often go extremely long stretches of time doing things I only enjoy a little.
Sometimes there are exceptions to this rule, like when I can listen to an audiobook I really love while working. Only some kinds of work are compatible with audio book listening, so that only helps some of the time. And if a good audio book is the only thing keeping me afloat I really crash when I can't find one that suits my mood or when my anxiety levels go too high for me to be able to listen to one at all.
So for those of you who don't have obsessive personalities, be greatful the next time you decide to do something you really like for maybe 15 minutes or half an hour and then walk away from it refreshed to do something useful.
4 months ago