Content warning: The following contains a high percentage of weird with a lot of relaxing, being myself, and exposing my thought processes without prior translation. Do not read if your sensitivity levels are high!!!
Other wise have a nice day.
So I got a note from my new manager at work today. He didn't stop to talk to me, just kind of threw it on my desk as he walked past. It was essentially a thank you card for adapting into his team so well, but put onto a fancy little card that we use when we want our thank yous to be officially recorded by our work program that recognized exceptional agents. See here for a brief overview.
In any case, I guess I was not feeling totally sure of my performance on the team and getting a note really made me feel good. Which triggered some confidence. When then in turn started to inflate my head a little. I caught myself being rather superlative and prideful for a little while after getting it, which made me laugh at myself quite a bit when I recognized the emotional shift. Silly me, thinking I'm better than someone else because I get a thank you card. The funny things you notice about yourself when you are paying attention is really quite fascinating, to me at least. I don't know that my introspection really are of that much worth to anyone else. I mean, I doubt everybody wants to hear about how I agonized myself over whether I was appropriately displaying my personality at a bad time or acting out inappropriately or whether I should be concerned about it at all or whether I should be glad I was loosening up at work or whether this was a sign I was becoming more comfortable with my identity or... over accidentally interrupting a trainer the other day to comment that there was a woodpecker on the tree behind her. For family members think dinner time bird observations/exclamations and you'll get a sense of what happened. Fortunately the woodpecker comment was not noted upon and we moved on with the training presentation as if there wasn't a window behind her with a bird that I couldn't quite see properly because the blinds were closed. Yes we have semi see through blinds at work and I could see a bird through them.
Or there was the time I had a coworker say that she was going out to the hall for a drink. Then when she got back I asked her if she felt more hydrated. When she said yes I commented that it was always nice to have plenty of hydrogen in you, especially when it was coupled with oxygen, except for when it was H2O2 in which case it was mainly useful for cleaning small cuts and scrapes... Wow, I get weird some times. In any case that triggered about the same cascade of self evaluations as the bird incident did. Except, since I knew the target of my hydrogen jokes a lot better as things go, no where near the same level of self criticism and agonizing, just a careless inquiry into what my action actually meant to myself.
I suppose I am beginning to enjoy my shift a little bit more than I was when I first started. I've found people I'm comfortable being weird around and I'm starting to feel like I've got a grip on what I'm doing. Feel more a part of what is happening instead of feeling like the new guy on the team. So I'm more or less happy with it.